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15 Xmas Funny Jokes

  1. Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
  2. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
  3. You never actually see Santa, only his “assistants.”
  4. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
  5.  Santa doesn’t really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he’s the one who everybody credits with the work.
  6. Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?
    Elfis!
  7. Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino’s for a pizza.
    The salesgirl asked him:-
    ‘Do you want your usual?  Deep pan, crisp and even?’
  8. What do lions sing at Christmas?
    Jungle bells!
  9. When is a boat like a pile of snow?
    When it’s adrift.
  10. How does Santa sing the alphabet?A B C D E F G…
    H I J K L M N
    Oh!, Oh!, Oh!,
    P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
  11. Q: Where does Santa sleep when he’s traveling?A: In a Ho, Ho, Hotel!
  12. Saint Nicholas is the main Clause.
    His wife is a relative Clause.
    His children are dependent Clauses.
    Their Dutch uncle is a restrictive Clause.
    Santa’s elves are subordinate Clauses.
  13. How do you know Santa has to be a man?
    No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
  14. Two aliens in a UFO are zooming through earth’s atmosphere. Suddenly they’re surprised by a flying sleigh carrying a large human in a red suit. The sleigh is moving at near hyper-speed. It’s powered by eight hoofed animals with large antennae coming out of their heads.One alien exclaims to the other, “No way we can invade this planet! Their technology’s too advanced.”
  15. I wonder how many divorce papers have been filed by wives whose husbands took them seriously when they said, “No presents this year, honey.”

One comment

  1. Do you have more great arclties like this one?

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