- Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
- What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration.
- You never actually see Santa, only his “assistants.”
- Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.
- Santa doesn’t really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he’s the one who everybody credits with the work.
- Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?
- Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino’s for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:-
‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?’
- What do lions sing at Christmas?
- When is a boat like a pile of snow?
When it’s adrift.
- How does Santa sing the alphabet?A B C D E F G…
H I J K L M N
Oh!, Oh!, Oh!,
P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
- Q: Where does Santa sleep when he’s traveling?A: In a Ho, Ho, Hotel!
- Saint Nicholas is the main Clause.
His wife is a relative Clause.
His children are dependent Clauses.
Their Dutch uncle is a restrictive Clause.
Santa’s elves are subordinate Clauses.
- How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
- Two aliens in a UFO are zooming through earth’s atmosphere. Suddenly they’re surprised by a flying sleigh carrying a large human in a red suit. The sleigh is moving at near hyper-speed. It’s powered by eight hoofed animals with large antennae coming out of their heads.One alien exclaims to the other, “No way we can invade this planet! Their technology’s too advanced.”
- I wonder how many divorce papers have been filed by wives whose husbands took them seriously when they said, “No presents this year, honey.”