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13 Santa Jokes

  1. What do you call a dog who works for Santa?
    Santa Paws!
  2. You never actually see Santa, only his “assistants”. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire. Santa doesn’t really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he’s the one who everybody credits with the work. Santa doesn’t work anywhere near a 40 hour week. Santa travels a lot. Yup, Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!
  3. While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”He promptly replied, “Another train.”
  4. I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”
  5. Tim: Did you know Santa had only eight reindeer last Christmas?
    Jim: Huh?
    Tim: Comet stayed home to clean the sink.
  6. An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.  Which one picked it up??
    Santa!  The other two don’t exist!
  7. Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
    So he can hide at the North Pole!
  8.  Funny how the year you stop believing in Santa is roughly the year you start getting socks and clothes for Christmas.
  9. Lisa thanks her grandpa, “Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year for Christmas. I’ve never got such a brilliant gift!”
    “Really?” asks the surprised Grandpa.
    Lisa says, “Oh yeah – every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would stop!”
  10. What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
    Mistle-“toast”!
  11.  Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?Because the presents won’t take themselves!
  12. What’s red and green and flies?An airsick Santa Claus!
  13. Why does Santa’s sleigh get such good mileage?
    Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

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