- My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
- I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
- There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made out of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
- Thank goodness Christmas is a state of mind. I’d hate for it to be the state of my bank account.
- Christmas is the time when people light so many bulbs outside of their houses, that you think they’re celebrating the birth of General Electric.
- Mail your gifts early so the post office can lose them in time for Xmas.
- Wishing you Christmas filled with stress, fatigue and anger. Ok, maybe it isn’t pretty, but at least it’s pretty realistic.
- Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.
- My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
- Bloody Christmas, here again
Let us raise a loving cup
Peace on earth, goodwill to men
And make them do the washing up.
- It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin!
- There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
- What is the most difficult task for a man at Christmas? To make the kids think that he is Santa Claus, and to make the woman understand that he is not.
- There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?
- I’m all for Christmas cheer – only I don’t think you can find it in egg nog.