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10 Funny Christmas Poems

  1. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
    Grandma got run over by a reindeer
    Walking home from our house Christmas eve
    You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believeShe’d been drinkin’ too much egg nog
    And we’d begged her not to go
    But she’d left her medication
    So she stumbled out the door into the snowWhen they found her Christmas mornin’
    At the scene of the attack
    There were hoof prints on her forehead
    And incriminatin’ Claus marks on her backGrandma got run over by a reindeer
    Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
    You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believeNow were all so proud of Grandpa
    He’s been takin’ this so well
    See him in there watchin’ football
    Drinkin’ beer and playin’ cards with cousin BelleIt’s not Christmas without Grandma
    All the family’s dressed in black
    And we just can’t help but wonder
    Should we open up her gifts or send them back?

    Grandma got run over by a reindeer
    Walkin’ home from our house Christmas eve
    You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

    Now the goose is on the table
    And the pudding made of fig
    And a blue and silver candle
    That would just have matched the hair in Grandma’s wig

    I’ve warned all my friends and neighbors
    Better watch out for yourselves
    They should never give a license
    To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves

    Grandma got run over by a reindeer
    Walkin’ home from our house, Christmas eve
    You can say there’s no such thing as Santa
    But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!

    By Randy Brooks

    Read source at : http://www.homemade-gifts-made-easy.com/funny-christmas-poems.html

  2. Snowball
    I made myself a snowball,
    As perfect as could be,
    I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
    And let it sleep with me.I made it some pajamas,
    And a pillow for its head,
    Then last night it ran away,
    But first – it wet the bed!

    By Shel Silverstein

    Read source at : http://www.homemade-gifts-made-easy.com/funny-christmas-poems.html

  3. Christmas Dog
    Tonight’s my first night as a watchdog,
    And here it is Christmas Eve.
    The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs,
    While I’m guardin’ the stockin’s and tree.What’s that now—footsteps on the rooftop?
    Could it be a cat or a mouse?
    Who’s this down the chimney?
    A thief with a beard—
    And a big sack for robbin’ the house?I’m barkin’, I’m growlin’, I’m bitin’ his butt.
    He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
    I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
    I’ve frightened the whole bunch away.Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again.
    The stockin’s are safe as can be.
    Won’t the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
    And see how I’ve guarded the tree.

    By Shel Silverstein

    Read source at : http://www.coolest-holiday-parties.com/funny-christmas-poems.html

  4. Christmas is for Kids?
    There once was a little boy so small
    he liked to make a lot of noise
    And drove his parents up the wall
    With all those kinds of toys
    So they wouldn’t let him have a drum
    A whistle or a flute
    They would only give him rubber toys
    The kind you couldn’t toot.But Grand-paw had a sneaky side
    A desire to get back at his son
    for all the noise he had made
    while still living under the gunThe day finally came when he got his chance
    To even up the score
    He wore a red suit and a long white beard
    And knew the quiet would be no more

    For it was Christmas morn and all were still asleep
    except for Grand-paw and one little boy
    who sneaked down the stairs and into the room
    where the tree had a very special toy

    It was wrapped in red paper and a big white bow
    The anticipation was getting great
    For everyone else would be up soon
    And then it would be too late

    So Grand-paw enticed the little boy
    To open the present quick
    for there inside was a big red drum
    and one really big stick!


    By Jack Mann

    Read source at : http://www.coolest-holiday-parties.com/funny-christmas-poems.html

  5. The Honest Santa Fairy
    A sorry old drunk is walking
    Down the street one morning
    Together with Santa Claus
    The tooth fairy and of course
    Honest John the Solicitor
    When suddenly on their tour
    At the very same moment
    They spot on the pavement
    Someone’s discarded wallet
    So who was it who got it?
    The old drunk obviously
    Because all of the other three
    Only exist in mythology

    By Paul Curtis

    Read source at : http://www.peculiar-poetry.com/paul-curtis/christmas/funny-poems/10fcp-02-santa.htm

  6. Satan Rules KO
    If you’re a worshiper of Satan
    And you suffer from Dyslexia
    Take care before you commit
    You may sell your soul to Santa

    By Paul Curtis

    Read source at : http://www.peculiar-poetry.com/paul-curtis/christmas/funny-poems/10fcp-09-satan.htm

  7. Christmas Snow
    There is one thing you have to know;
    At Christmas time, it has to snow.
    The ground must fill with fluffy white
    To soften up the cold, dark night.It helps out Santa, that white snow,
    Reflecting off the moonlight glow.
    It makes us feel so snug instead
    When we’re inside our soft, warm bed.Although this image is so true
    And makes much sense to me and you,
    We have to pause and say, “Ahem –
    There’s rarely snow in Bethlehem.”If this thought sets you aback,
    Don’t let it take you off your track.
    For when you spy a shining star,
    It’s Christmas time right where you are.

    By Denise Rodgers

    Read source at : http://www.funny-poems-for-free.com/funny-christmas-poems.html

  8. ‘A Christmas Tale’
    At this time of year it is patently clear
    That the males are the ones who are blest.
    Thoughts like ‘goodwill to men’ we hear time and again
    And we find them quite hard to digest.As we women all know, men think they run the show,
    And sometimes we allow them this pause.
    But it gets on our nerves, like too many hors d’oeuvres
    When we want to get at the main course.Many times out of mind the same problem we find,
    Leaving plans to the menfolk is risky.
    Christmas spirit they think is some kind of a drink,
    Such as vodka, Baccardi, or whiskey.
    Since we carry the load, men keep out of our road,
    We are ready and willing and able.
    For it’s perfectly clear, that the stuffed turkeys here
    Are not always confined to the table.The traditional way is now rather passe,
    Lets give credit, where credit is due.
    Then you’ll see, man or boy, in return you’ll enjoy
    The fruits of OUR goodwill to you.

    By Jacqueline Ramm

    Read source at : http://christmas.fundootimes.com/poems/funny-poems.html

  9. Pets In The North Pole
    Hear Ye, Hear Ye there is much to do,
    But the reindeer up north have caught the flu!The presents are wrapped, the sleigh is all set,
    So instead of reindeer, we’re using your pets.Just show them this note on Christmas Eve,
    So when the time comes, they’ll be ready to leave.We’ll take dogs, we’ll take snakes, we’ll take hamsters and cats.
    We’ll take frogs, we’ll take lizards, we’ll even take bats!We’ll pretty much take whatever you’ve got.
    For Santa’s sleigh, we’ll need a lot.

    Your pet should leave when you’re asleep,
    So don’t make a sound or a peep.

    When your pet comes to fly the sleigh,
    I’ll make them fly, I’ll show them the way.

    We’ll soar through the night up high in the sky.
    Looking down at the houses as we fly on by.

    Oh, and thank you for helping Santa Claus.
    From your old pal, Santa Paws.

    By Peyton

    Read source at: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/funny-christmas-poem-pets-in-the-north-pole

  10. Wish to ride
    Wish to ride that sledge in the snow
    Wish to get down to the bow
    Wish to just dance all the way
    Wish to just have the say
    Wish that you get all the happiness you want
    Wish that you get to just flaunt
    Wish that you just sing along
    Wish that you always stay strong
    Wish that your Christmas be good
    This time and always ‘Touchwood’,
    Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

    By Unknown Author

    Read source at : http://www.wishafriend.com/christmas/id/17534/

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