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15 Christmas Tree Jokes

  1. How do trees access the internet?
    They log on.
  2. What did the tree do when the bank closed?
    It started its own branch.
  3. Why did the pine tree get in trouble?
    Because it was being knotty.
  4. What did the trees wear to Mother Nature’s pool party?
    Swimming trunks!
  5. A crime was committed in the forest, and the police are stumped. Who did it?
    Yew know who.
  6. Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?
    In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
  7. A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree.
    *BA-DUM TSSSHH*
  8. What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?
    Leaf me alone, birch!
  9. What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad?  A pineapple!
  10. Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.Mrs. Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree.
  11. Santa was furious. “I can’t believe it! I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn’t even back yet! What am I going to do?”Just then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, “Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?”And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass…
  12. Why can’t Christmas trees sew?
    They always drop their needles.
  13. Can you help me identify this weeping tree?
    Yes, but you willow me one.
  14. Why are leaves always involved in risky business?
    Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.
  15. How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?
    Fell out of the tree.

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