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12 Christmas Jokes For Adults

  1. Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
    The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.’Tiny’, answers Mike.
    ‘Why’s that?’ enquires the barmaid.
    ‘Because he’s my newt’ concludes Mike.
  2. What do snowmen wear on their heads?

    Ice caps!
  3. Q: What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? A: Stick with me and we’ll go places.
  4. Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!
  5. Q: What is the best work union in the world? A: The rein deer union. A: Full pay, food, housing and only need to work one night a year.
  6. “A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. So be careful at the office Christmas party.”
  7. “If God had meant Christmas to be a family occasion He wouldn’t have invented TV, would He?”
  8. “Do you do this with Christmas tree lights? You have a string of them and one bulb is dead and you flick the bulb with your finger to get it to light up? They do the same thing with George Bush before a debate.”
  9. “Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it wasn’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish.”
  10. Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
  11. Father Christmas: What’s your favorite Christmas story?
    Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees!
    Father Christmas: You mean ‘The Three Little Figs’.
  12. Scene: A man applying for credit at a department store.Clerk: What do you do for a living?Man: I’m a tree trimmer.

    Clerk: What do you do after Christmas?

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